The Tendency of Comparison

You might have heard the saying, “comparison is the thief of joy.” I, for one, am quite

acquainted with it. Not only by others, but also by an assessment of my own mood when I catch myself longing to be like someone else. Even seemingly insignificant, thoughtless sayings like, imagine if I were like her, or, if I had what he had, I bet my life would be SO much easier, can lead to a decline in self-image.

So, most are quite familiar with comparison. In fact, 93% of social media users aged 16-24

report feeling pressure to compare themselves with others online in various different categories (Cybersmile). Since it takes up so much space in the average teenager’s mind, we ought to understand where it comes from, as well. Are there any causes of comparison, and what might they be?

Before trying to understand others, the human mind’s main purpose is to understand itself. This is done through self-reflection, thinking, and even subconscious thoughts that encompass our beliefs of who we are and what we stand for. This constant evaluation of ourselves must be done with relativity, a rubric of sorts. Our rubric is our environment: the people, energy, and ideologies that surround us. We evaluate

our own lives in reference to our environment – and this exactly, is comparison.

In 1954, Leon Festinger, a social psychologist, observed this peculiar phenomenon. He

introduced the Social Comparison Theory. This theorizes that people assess their own abilities and potential in comparison to others. Festinger emphasized that we tend to compare ourselves to people similar to us, perhaps in a similar line of work. This gives us an accurate idea of where our abilities lie. When we compare ourselves to those who might be less successful, we feel better about ourselves. In the same way, when we compare ourselves to those more successful than us, we tend to feel worse.

For example, a student might get a bad grade on a test (“bad” is determined relative to the

previous test scores they have received). However, they can relieve their frustration by

recognizing that one of their peers has failed multiple tests throughout the year. This is a

downward comparison.

If the same student wants to motivate themselves to do better, they might turn to someone who is doing better in the class and received a higher score. This student might subconsciously (or intentionally!) mimic the well-performing student’s habits in order to get a better score next time. This is called upward comparison.

According to Festinger, the two goals in mind during upward comparison are self-evaluation and self-enhancement. These goals are met by the drive to assess one’s own skillset and levels, as well as a desire to improve on any shortcomings.

How does this connect to social media, you might ask?

Social comparison can be beneficial when young people use networks, such as ads on Instagram, or a video across their TikTok feed, to push themselves in a positive direction. Using upward comparison, they can find healthy (keyword!) micro habits to pick up on that might influence, initially, their mood, and in long term, their self-esteem and self-evaluation. Even friendly competition has shown to be highly effective in leading to healthier habits like exercising. In the “social ratchet effect,” each person’s activity generates more activity in others. The momentum keeps everyone in check.

However, I have to issue a precaution: like anything in the world, there can always be too much of something. Over-analyzation of someone else’s habits, good or bad, can lead to insecurity, jealousy, and even arrogance. We must carefully take the negative stigma around comparison and flip the script to use it as motivation. The two paths extending from comparison are self-enhancement and self-assessment.

If we compare for our self-enhancement, we are given a sort of distorted view of ourselves. The people we compare ourselves to become benchmarks that we aim to pass, boosting our ego. This can negatively affect ourselves, and we might fall into a better-than-average mindset, but at the same time, feel miserable about ourselves. If one always has a benchmark of what they must be like, they will never find a place to settle and feel good about themselves. Hence, they fall into the cycle of short boosts of ego and superiority, until the veil falls and all the anger and jealousy

is exposed.

Let’s look down the other path. If we compare in a means of self-assessment, we are trying to find out where our skills lie. This is a healthy and helpful method aiming to find out who we are. In fact, this might be necessary to reality-check ourselves when we feel like we’re looking into that crazy, distorted mirror.

The brain is wired for comparison. Whether we like it or not, it’s always running in our minds. More than comparing ourselves, we are comparing our ideas about ourselves with our ideas of other people.

We see different versions of people, not who they truly are. Especially on social media, people choose to put their best of the best out there. So we must take it with a grain of salt, and remember to catch ourselves when the thoughts start sounding like jealousy or insecurity. It’s a conscious and quite difficult, I concede, effort to cut out negative comparisons, but if done in a productive and healthy way, it can really benefit our lives.

Start with practicing self-awareness, patience, and kindness towards yourself. With gentle

comparison, learn who you really are on the inside. Find out if your ideas of yourself are truly accurate.

Comparison can be the thief of joy. But as both you and I have learned today, intentfully,

comparison can bring us joy. Joy in ourselves. It’s up to you to decide which kind of comparison should be present in your life.

Illustration by Aayushi S