Is Embarrassment a Mindset?

Have you ever tripped in front of a crowd, waved to the wrong person, or made an awkward comment? Many people have experienced moments like these and felt embarrassed afterwards. These moments can create feelings of embarrassment, which can manifest as the flushing of your face and neck, and your eyebrows knitting together. But what if embarrassment is not just what experience, but also our perspective on said experience?

Embarrassment is often coupled with shame and guilt and seen as a self-conscious response. Embarrassment can have a profoundly negative impact on a person’s mood, thoughts, and behaviors. The embarrassed individual might become highly conscious of a real (or imagined!) conflict, leading to fears that others will view them as “less than”.

Furthermore, embarrassment is a social experience (Nexus). It can be with a real audience or merely your own self-monitoring as the observer. You might recognize the pestering, inner voice that cares so deeply about how others would look and think if they could see your accidental mishaps. Oftentimes people think that their sensations are "too obvious" to others, and focusing on that heightens their self awareness.

However, a big part of embarrassment happens inside our minds. When something embarrassing happens, we usually start thinking about how other people see us. We imagine that everyone is judging us or laughing at us, but in reality, most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend much time thinking about our mistakes.

This is why embarrassment can be considered a mindset, rooted in how we perceive social expectations rather than external reality (Odyssey) . Two people can experience the exact same situation and react very differently. For example, if two students give the wrong answer in class, one might feel quite embarrassed for the rest of the day while the other might laugh it off and move on. The difference is not the event that happens, it is their perspective on it.

Life is not always a runway show; most people won’t be constantly monitoring your tiniest movements, whether it’s how you walk or that you accidentally spilled some of your coffee down your shirt. You are not being given a score on your actions in life.

So, what can be done when we feel embarrassed? 

First, we can remind ourselves that mistakes are normal and common. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, focus on what has been learned. 

Second, we can challenge our thoughts. For example, we can ask: "Will people really remember this a week from now?" Most of the time, the answer is no. 

Finally, learning to laugh at ourselves can make a big difference. A sense of humor might help accept small imperfections and move forward. 

In the end, our mindset plays a huge role in how strongly we feel embarrassed. While we cannot control what happens to us, we can try to control our response. By changing the way we think about awkward moments and mistakes, embarrassment can stop holding us back and can just become another, simple part of life.

Art by Aarushi S