How to Help a Friend Who Is Struggling with Their Mental Health

You’ve noticed something is off with your friend. Maybe they’re pulling away, skipping plans, sleeping through entire weekends, or posting things online that don’t feel like them. You want to help — but you’re not sure how.

You’re not alone in that. According to the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey, approximately 40% of high school students report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. That means the odds are high that someone in your life is going through it right now. The question isn’t whether you’ll encounter a friend who’s struggling — it’s whether you’ll know what to do when it happens.

Signs Your Friend Might Be Struggling

Before you can help, you have to notice. Mental health challenges don’t always look like crying in the bathroom. Sometimes they look like someone who’s suddenly angry all the time, or someone who stops caring about things they used to love. Watch for withdrawal from social activities, changes in eating or sleeping patterns, sudden drops in grades, increased irritability or anger, loss of interest in hobbies or sports, talking about feeling “trapped” or like a burden, and giving away personal belongings.

None of these signs alone means your friend has a mental health condition. But if you’re seeing several of them over a period of weeks, it’s worth paying attention.

What to Say (and What Not to Say)

The most powerful thing you can do is simply show up and listen. You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to be a therapist. You just need to be present. Try saying things like: “I’ve noticed you seem different lately and I just want you to know I’m here.” Or: “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I care about you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Avoid phrases like “just think positive” or “other people have it worse.” These dismissive statements, even when well-intentioned, can make your friend feel like their pain isn’t valid. Instead of trying to solve, try to understand.

When to Involve a Trusted Adult

There are moments when being a good friend means asking for help from someone older. If your friend mentions self-harm, suicide, or says they don’t want to be alive anymore, that is the moment to involve a trusted adult — a parent, school counselor, teacher, or coach. This isn’t betraying their trust. This is protecting their life.

You can also encourage your friend to reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HELLO to 741741. Both services are free, confidential, and available 24/7.

Taking Care of Yourself Too

Supporting a friend who’s struggling can be emotionally draining. It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for fixing anyone. Set boundaries, talk to a trusted adult about how you’re feeling, and don’t neglect your own mental health in the process. Being a good friend doesn’t mean carrying someone else’s pain alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What should I say to a friend who is depressed?

A: Start by letting them know you’ve noticed they seem different and that you care. Avoid giving advice or trying to fix things. Just listen and be present.

Q: When should I tell an adult about my friend’s mental health?

A: If your friend mentions self-harm, suicide, or expresses that they don’t want to be alive, involve a trusted adult immediately. You can also encourage them to call or text 988.

Q: Can I help my friend if I’m not a therapist?

A: Absolutely. You don’t need to be a professional to make a difference. Simply showing up, listening without judgment, and encouraging your friend to seek help can be incredibly powerful.